The strangest and shittiest things seem to happen on this particular day of the week.
For starters, i got in trouble at work.
A coworker and I were discussing sports, and i mentioned that i didn't watch the SUPER BOWL because i found football to be incredibly boring, and besides, if i wanted to watch such blatant homoerotica, the W.W.E. at least has skimpier outfits.
She responded that at least football wasn't as boring as NASCAR, and i wholeheartedly agreed, adding "the only suspense in watching NASCAR is wondering which driver is going to be the next to die a horrible fiery death...my guess is someone with 'junior' in his name".
She agreed with me, and all was fine, until about an hour later when the district manager of our book chain called. He asked me if i said something offensive to a customer. I said "you mean today?" and he paused and then said "yes...earlier today".
before i could respond, he said he received a call from a very irate customer who told him that i said something offensive about NASCAR, in fact, according to this customer, it was the most distasteful and shockingly offensive thing he's ever heard.
I rolled my eyes and wanted to say "oh please, that wasn't even the most distasteful and shockingly offensive thing i've said today", but i refrained, and just told him that i was talking about NASCAR, but not to a customer....it was a private conversation with a coworker.
The DM said "well, the customer heard it, and he wants your head on a stick". I remembered who i was talking to, and decided against making any kind of "head" jokes. he blathered on about watching what i say during work hours, yadda, yadda, yadda, and the gist of it is that i'm going to get a write up.
About ten minutes after i got home from work, the phone rang. It was my sister, who was taking the girls to their dad's house for the week (that's right...kids here get PRESIDENTS'S WEEK off of school). She asked me to do her a favor...I said "what", and she said "make sure the front door, sliding glass patio door, and garage door are locked...and make sure they're SECURELY locked".
i could feel a tingle of terror slowly climb up my spine, and i asked her why. she wouldn't tell me, she just said to make sure everything is SECURELY locked, and she'd be home soon.
I quickly made my way upstairs with the phone in one hand, and my trusty ZOMBIE KNIFE in the other, and locked everything up SECURELY. So now i'm sitting here, with the tv off, because i want to be able hear that inevitable sound of a MEAT CLEAVER scraping the outside of my bedroom door.
4 comments:
Milo dear aside from you being right about NASCAR it was a private conversation and that moron should have been told as much by your boss, at least after he knew the facts and he has no busisnes writing you up for something completely without merit, by doing that he's being as big a shit as the person who was eavsdropping.
Milo darling I just realized I took your side over something, please forgive me dear I must be over medicating again.
I nearly fell out of my chair when I read Mag's first post. Having read the second, I realize the earth hasn't spun out of its orbit! :)
"I nearly fell out of my chair" Poor wee lamb! I hope you didn't hurt yourself on the wheels.
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